Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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