there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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