she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
