Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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