Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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