Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
