So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize