Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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