How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
