i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
