your room smells of hookers.
And success
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
