Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
