I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
