i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize