Redeem this text for a blowjob
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
