So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
