Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
