Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
