very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
