Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
