Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
