Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
