we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
