Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize