Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
