In the future we'll all be gay
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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