Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
