I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
