I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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