A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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