We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
