i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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