i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
