Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
