Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
