Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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