so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize