Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
