he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
