i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
