I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
