He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
