but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
