I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
