just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
