I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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