I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The Olympian is in my bed
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
