So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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