Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
