I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
