big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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