3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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