They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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