your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
