i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
