I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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