I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
