Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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