So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're like the curious george of whores
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
