the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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