everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
