I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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