Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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