ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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