I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
