So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
