Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
