Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
