I'm gonna have a badass scar
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We left an ass print on the piano.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
