why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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